8 Years

8 years.

2920 days.

As of today, that is how long I have lived in California. It's my anniversary.

When I left Memphis in 1997, I didn't know what to expect with my move. I was really on the fence about it until a friend gave me this sage advice: "Just try it. Give it a year. If you don't like it, you can always move back. I'll still be here.".

Well I certainly have tried it. To the tune of nearly a decade. Looking back, it was quite a ballsy move for a 26 year old. I didn't feel so young at that time, but now 26 certainly sounds like a mere child. It never was my idea to move. A close friend of mine (at the time) was a wanna-be actor (as was I). He used to always suggest that we move to Calfornia and become famous. We were two of the best actors at the acting school we attended so we should just knock 'em dead once we get to California (yeah right).

This went on for several months and then fate intervened. The company where I worked was closing it's doors. I looked online for jobs in southern California and saw an ad for a company called StarBase. What the hell, I thought. It can't hurt to send a resume. A couple of weeks later, I was on a plane to Orange County for an interview. 4 weeks later, I had moved. 4 months later, my friend joined me and as you have probably guessed at this point, neither of us are famous actors. Oh he gave it a good shot. As for me, I was too busy with work. Besides, acting just wasn't my passion (even though I was pretty good).

In the 8 years that I have lived here, I have gone from computer programmer to part-owner of my own business. I have played in 4 bands. I have had two girlfriends. I have been sued. I purchased a condo. I have been to Vegas 4 times. I have made friends and lost friends. I have been to 6 weddings. I have learned to golf. I have fallen in love. I have had my heart broken. I have learned to like sushi.

I haven't learned how to surf. I haven't been skiing. I never go to Hollywood. I've only gotten in the ocean once. Not that I really want to do any of these things but I figured I had to mention them.

All in all, I suppose that it has been a good 8 years. Of course there have been ups and downs, but this is the path life has lead me down and I have tried to make the most of it. For the most part, I feel that I have done a pretty good job.

8 years from now, I will be 42. If the next 8 years go by like these have, it will be here in the blink of an eye.

I'd better get busy.

Walk The Line

Saturday afternoon, Jaclyn and I took a rare visit to the local movie house to see Walk the Line.

Being a Johnny Cash aficionado, I had prepared myself for disappointment. From the moment I was old enough to understand what music was, the name Johnny Cash was instilled into my vocabulary. For hours on end, I used to get out my Dad's albums and listen to them or hold a spoon (my microphone) and sing along. I thought many of Johnny Cash's songs were written about my Dad. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would grab my air guitar, strum a few chords, and proudly state that I wanted to be Johnny Cash. The point I am trying to make here is that the man's music has been a very important part of my life.

Note: If you are the type of person who only listens to music occasionally or simply likes anything with a "good beat", then you probably will not understand.

Thankfully, this movie did not disappoint. I left the theatre feeling that I knew the man just a little better than I did two hours earlier. Seeing Johnny Cash perform on the same bill as Jerry Lee Lewis and Elvis Presley really gives the audience a sense of history as well.

Of course, the best memories of Johnny Cash will be the vivid imagery that lives in my mind. His music will always be the soundtrack of my childhood. "Orange Blossom Special" will always be about the Illinois Central Gulf railway that ran behind my house, "Wanted Man" will always be the musical account of my father's adventures early in life, and those "little girls that hate to see me go" that he sings of in "Understand Your Man" will always be my two sisters watching their Dad leave for work in the morning from their bedroom window.

They are my memories. They only have to make sense to me.

Smells Like Cork, Tastes Like Wine

Jaclyn and I have now entered the upper echelons of the societal ranks as yesterday we embarked on our first-ever wine tasting trip in Temecula. I suspect that Temecula is not as nice as the wine country in Northern California, but it's only an hour drive from my home and ignornance is bliss.

Under no circumstances do we consider ourselves experts in Wineology 101. When I go to Trader Joes, I just pick the bottles with most captivating labels in my price range. I do know that I enjoy a Shiraz more than Merlot and Chardonnay. Beyond that, my wine review consists of something along the lines of "Hmm.. tastes line wine".

As my sporty Mazda3 made it's way up the 55, to the 91, to the 15, I harbored secret hopes of returning from this trip with the ability to easily identify the characteristics of a fine wine enabling me to engage in snooty conversation with other wine enthusiasts at some point in the future. I daydreamed of my next visit to Chi's house where I could expertly recommend the perfect accompaniment for one of her exotic, home-cooked meals. This wine-tasting trip was going to help propel me from the ranks of cheap wino to that of a sophisticated aristocrat.

As Jaclyn and I drove from vineyard to vineyard, we had a great time enjoying the scenery and the beautiful weather. Even if you don't have a passion for wine, it's a great day trip for anyone to take with their significant other. A backdrop of rolling hills and mountains makes any afternoon drive that much more interesting.

Each vineyard is similar in many ways but each one has it's own personality. All of the wine tastings included a souvenier wine glass (that's the Disneyland aspect I suppose) proudly displaying the vineyards name and logo. Some were quiet and intimate which gave you an opportunity to really talk to the people there and ask questions about the wine. Others were like a noisy bar on a Friday night in Newport Beach.

As much as I tried to appreciate the little nuances in each wine, inevitably they all tasted pretty much the same to me. The only red that really stood out to me was the port (and all those taste very similar as well). With all the other reds, I just cannot really tell a difference. Thus my review of each one was a simmple "it tastes like wine".

I suppose in the Sideways world, I am much more akin to a Jack than a Miles.

Am I Worthy?

It gets me everytime. I cannot help myself. If I am channel surfing and I see that Saving Private Ryan is on, I have to stop and watch it for a few minutes.

Why TinyE, why?

Well my fellow Americans, I watch it for two reasons. One, it's a good movie. I am confident that there is some purist/historian out there who feels that it's the worst "war" movie of all time, but I happen to enjoy it (it's TinyE's blog, that's all that matters).

The number two reason that I cannot look away is that it gives me a reason to reflect on the sacrifices that others have made before me. Re-reading that, it "sounds" horrible. I need a movie to give me cause for reflection on sacrifice? This is something that I should reflect upon every day.

How many of us get up every morning and feel thankful that others have died in order to preserve the freedom that we enjoy on a daily basis? Unfortunately and shamefully, I do not. The first thing I say to myself every morning is "Ughhh.. another day". It seems that I am too absorbed in my own simple little life to sit back and really appreciate what has been given to me. When I should be jumping out of bed every morning with a big smile on my face, I am waking with a frown.

At least I realize my shortcomings. That's the first step in actually doing something about it.

Beta Week

This is beta week.

Furious final coding for the Roundtable 10.1A Beta 1 release is being done. A gruesome combination of dead skin, blood and dandruff has tainted my Dell wireless keyboard. My ass has flattened to such an extent that it now resembles a couch cushion.

However, the question remains.. will we make our 11/16 deadline.

Probably not.

But that's what deadlines are for.. right?

If I can have a build ready for download by Friday, I'll be happy.

Look out! Roundtable 10.1A is on the way.

Glorious Kingdom

Damn.

Ryan Adams writes some good music.

It kills me (with envy) to see someone four years my junior have a song catalog that rivals (and mostly surpasses) those of more "famous" songwriters with many years under their belts.

One of my new, all-time favorite lyrics is from the new release Jacksonville City Nights (his 2nd of three releases slated for this year).

Up there in the clouds
In that glorious kingdom
Tell me there ain't nothing but an easy decline
Can I still smoke cigarettes and have my coffee
Up there in heaven and a bottle of wine

The lyrics bring forth a vivid image of this desperate character longing for answers that he cannot seem to find. For me, it's all captured beautifully in this short passage. Perhaps the subject of the song yearns for these basic "necessities" which he would have where it not for some unknown downturn in his life. It leaves us wanting to learn more about this person while completely understanding (and relating to) his struggle with some of life's greatest questions.

Good music. How can anyone live without it?

You Are Getting... Sleepy

For the better part of the past 16 hours, I have been sitting in front of a computer. My whole life has turned into one big stare-down with my monitor. The sad fact is that I think I am dumber now than I was this morning. Does that mean it was all a waste of time?

Time Marches On

The hospital in which I was born (Baptist Memorial, Memphis TN) is being demolished this weekend. They are determined to make sure another one of me doesn't come along.

put whiskey on the wounds
salt the glass and say goodbye
no feel-good scenes to bring it back
just fallen brick and broken glass
wrecking ball operator
twenty years pulling the lever
these windows shield the cold
from the weather of my soul
i protect my ears and eyes
from the dust and noise
word comes down to the bitter end
the diesel hums the cycle spins
when we meet on that hard hat ground
just a photograph no one else around
words to live by it just goes to show
someday we all gotta go
feel the heart strings sinking fast
another treasure found
another tumbling down

All Saints Day

Happy November! I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by. Don't we all say that every year though? At what point do we begin to say "Damn.. this year is just drag-assin' along!"? I suppose when I am old, decrepit and pooping my pants that I will long for death yet it will not find me quickly enough.

This week, my business acumen (ha!) and patience has been really put to the test. It is not anything that I can freely discuss here in this forum but I feel I am growing old quickly. Between worry, lack of sleep, and a badly-needed haircut, I am beginning to look as old as I feel. Since Jaclyn does not have a bathtub in her apartment, she brought all kinds of bath oils, bubbles and scents to my place. All this stuff is supposed to help one to decompress and be swept away into blissful relaxtion. Perhaps I will give it a try. However, there's something about taking a bath that makes me really feel like I am wasting productive time and end up not enjoying it (kinda like George Constanza getting a massage).

Sunday evening, Jaclyn brought over pumpkins for carving. She, Doug (good) and myself used our artistic talents to bring three jack-o-laterns to life. As you can see, they turned out quite nicely.

That is one of the good things about Jaclyn. A 34-year-old man carving a pumpkin for no real reason may sound silly to some. We view it as together time. A time to pose with and take pictures of our creations. A time to make a memory. It's something we can talk about and remember fondly. Everyone should carve pumpkins with their girlfriends on Halloween.

When I was small, I remember my mother reciting Five Little Pumpkins to me. For some reason, it created such a visual in my little brain. I always thought that if I looked out the back door at just the right time, I would catch the pumpkins sitting there on top of the gate leading to the backyard. It seemed so real to me. To this day, I can still see what I saw in my mind as a child.

Five little Pumpkins
sitting on a gate.
The first one said
"My, it's getting late."
The second one said,
"There are witches in the air"
The third one said,
"But we don’t care"
The forth one said,
"We’ll run and run and run"
The fifth one said,
"It's just Halloween fun."
"Whooooo" went the wind
And out went the light
And the five little pumpkins rolled out of site.

Life is too short my friends.. too short. Go hug your mother, shake your dad's hand and kiss your girlfriend.