In Memoriam

My Aunt Mae died this week.

I could take this opportunity to reflect on life and death.

But, I think I do that enough already.

Rest in peace.

Pick a line.. any line!

Today, I journeyed to my local Home Depot to purchase a lamp for my living room. Since Jaclyn has resumed ownership of her loaner lamp, the upper left corner of my living room has been suffering from a lack of light. The good news is that we found one at Home Depot (of all places) that is contempory, stylish and fits in quite nicely with my decor.

Our blog adventure begins as I approach the check-out counters. There were only two that were open with a few patrons in each eagerly awaiting to make their purchases and return to home improvement bliss.

The lady at the end of the line had her cart pointed diagonally towards the left with her rear bleeding over into the right line a bit. Naturally, I assumed that her line parking skills were probably similar to her car parking skills so I eeked by her on the right and claimed my spot in line.

Crazy Woman: "Excuse me sir.. I am in line."
TinyElvis: "Oh.. I thought you were in the other line.."
Crazy Woman: "I am in whichever line becomes available first!"
Tiny Elvis: "You can't be in two lines. Tell me which line you are in, and I'll get in the other one."
Crazy Woman: "Nevermind.. go ahead."

I must point out that my tone was far from rude, albeit stern. Did realize how ridiculous her argument once she verbalized it? Or, was she simply terrified of the messy-haired man wearing the Ole Miss shirt?

In any case, I got my lamp. It was a pain in the ass to put together, but it looks nice.

Letters to the Editor

Do you ever read the Letters to the Editor in your local newspaper or a magazine? Whenever I want to put my finger on the pulse of America, I turn to these little unplucked gems.

At the gym today, I found out what America (and the world) thinks by reading a copy of Time magazine while doing time on the stair climber. Guess what I learned?

1. We are losing the war in Iraq
2. George Bush is an idiot
3. Hurricane Katrina proved that America is a joke
4. George Bush is an idiot
5. George Bush is a racist
6. The citizens of Iraq are too stupid for freedom and Democracy
7. George Bush is an idiot

Of course everyone has a right to their opinion (however misguided and uneducated it may be). Reading such garbage reinforces my belief that there are some extremely disappointed parents roaming the Earth trying to figure out where they went wrong.

The opinions that bother me the most have to do with item #6. Based on the "rhetoric" (ha!) in these letters, Iraqi citizens have no desire for freedom and are not smart enough to understand what it takes to build a democratic form of government. The irony rests in the fact that these opinions come from the most caring, sensitive and humane among us: Liberals.

Those who believe that freedom of expression, freedom of choice and freedom to parade naked in the streets in the name of "pride" are the pillars on which our country was founded, want to to deny those same freedoms to a country that finally has a chance to start from scratch.

These hyprocrits make my stomach turn.

Nine Points From a Perfect Weekend

I like football.

Correction.. I REALLY like football.

Although I only played for six years, I would like to think that I have been a "student of the game" ever since long hair and a guitar replaced a helmet and shoulder pads when I started high school.

Note: I did make a brief comeback in 1997 when I played in a flag-football leagure shortly before moving to California.

Anyone that knows me, also knows that I live and die by Ole Miss (a.k.a. University of Mississippi) football. Maybe that is a little extreme, but following the action and offering my sage opinion on internet message boards throughout the course of the season really gives my life a sense of purpose (ok.. another exaggeration). That being said, I am sure you can understand my despair over Saturday's 13-10 hearbreaking loss to the University of Alabama. The Crimson Tide kicked the game-winning field goal as time expired to defeat the upset-minded Rebels.

Granted, the Rebels are not having the best of seasons. Poor recruiting over the past few years has the left the talent cupboard somewhat bare. Coupled with the fact that a new coaching staff is implementing their system, my hope is slim for improving upon the current 2 wins and 4 losses record. Regardless, I will still be there (well, here) cheering them on and wearing the approriate red and blue clothing every Saturday.

In an effort to soothe my soul, Jaclyn and I headed over to the local community college (where she is a professor) to watch the Orange Coast Pirates do battle against the Warriors of El Camino. We have been to every home game this season and while community college football is not the best, it's still football. Unfortunately, the Pirates blew a two touchdown lead and lost the contest 36-33. Another 3-point loss.

Wait a minute! This weekend was going to be the football trifecta! I had another game to watch the following morning and I was down 2 - 0. The stars definately were not aligning for me.

Sunday morning, I awoke feeling confident. Fomer Ole Miss quarterback Eli Manning (son of Ole Miss legend Archie Manning and brother of Peyton) was off to a magnificent start with the New York Giants. They were traveling to Dallas to take on my lifetime favorites, the Dallas Cowboys. I have NEVER rooted against Dallas in my entire 34 years, but this was Eli Manning and my Ole Miss loyalty must come first and foremost.

Unfortunately, this game too did not turn out in my favor as the Cowboys defeated the Giants 16 - 13. Although Eli tried to lead the Giants to a come-from-behind victory, it was just not meant to. Another 3-point loss.

So, what does all this mean? Nothing. Why should you care? You shouldn't.

But for me, I was nine-points away from a perfect football weekend.

The Freedom to Choose

I am quite confident that by now we are all familar with the story of the USC student who gave birth and promptly left her newborn in a dumpster. Excuse me.. NEXT to the dumpster in a box.

What is confusing to this simpleton is the shock (and some outrage) that I have heard on talk radio and local television news. How can we as a society be angry with a responsible young lady exercising her right to a postpartum abortion? Granted her timing could have been better. If she had this done "professionally" a couple of months ago, she could have been used as an example of a freedom-loving American purusing happiness and being in control of her reproductive rights. My guess would be that she could not get down to her local butcher-- I mean doctor--to have this done properly because of the high price of gasoline. In a roundabout way, we can probably blame this on the current Bush administration for lining the pockets of his "big oil!!" buddies with the blood of her "aborted" son.

Of course, all of this is tongue-in-cheek (I have to point that out for the benefit of some).

This is not only sad, it is quite pathetic. Since this girl has been old enough to dress herself, she has probably heard nothing except for the fact that this is HER body and her RIGHT TO CHOOSE is more important above all else. If a baby is a just a minor inconvenience that can be tossed in the trash in a medical facility, can we really expect young adults to know the difference? It is quite a thin line. Just one birth canal and a medical degree away from perfectly legal.

If the loudmouths on the left can blame the NRA and gun manufacturers for the criminal irresponsibility of gun violence, can we blame Planned Parenthood and the pro-kill-the-babies lobby for this travesty?

At least the gun manufacturers put a safety on their guns.

Throwing Rocks

My father is from Tula Mississippi. Tula is a very small town about 15 miles southeast of Oxford.

If you are familiar with the works of the author Larry Brown, then you are probably slightly familiar with the place.

When I was a child, the whole family would go there 4 or 5 times a year to see my grandparents for the weekend. Keep in mind that a small town in Mississippi is not like a small town you may see elsewhere. Tula was basically at an intersection of two rural delivery routes (I don't think the two roads even have names). There was a general store, a post office, two churches and a cemetery.

As a child, I realized that Tula was already an old city on it's decline (I was a soft-hearted kid). But in other ways, it seemed to be a never-changing place. My grandmother always had fresh vegetables from her enormous garden. My grandfather always had fresh fish that he had caught in the morning before our arrival.

And my dad and I threw rocks.

The road that lead down a slight incline and through a wooded-area to my Grandmother's house was a gravel road. My Dad and I used to stand at the edge of the driveway, find the perfect rocks to throw, and then heave them as far as we could towards an old shed in the field across the way. My futile attempts never would come close to hitting that shed. When my Dad's turn came, I would watch the rock arch gracefully in the air until it fell out of sight. Listening anxiously for the sound of the rock hiting wood, I would wonder if I would ever be able to do it. In my mind, that shed was a mile away and my Dad had the strongest arm in the world.

Everytime I visit my parents, I tell myself that I am going to make the drive down to Tula. The next time I am in Mississippi, I am going to make sure that I go. I want to listen to the sounds of the insects in the trees. I want to walk down to the creek. I want to throw rocks with my dad.

This is sooooo Mission Viejo..

In preparation for a decent night's sleep, I decided to wind down with some late night offerings from my overpriced cable provider. This evening I chose to watch the final 10 minutes of everyone's favorite reality show Laguna Beach: The Real O.C.

Towards the end of the brodcast, three of the featured high school girls were sitting around their lavish home talking about the poor makeup job of their "friend" (apparently she overdid it for the prom resulting in a "cheap hooker" look). This unnattractive farding drove one of the young stars to comment: "The way she wears her makeup is like, sooo Mission Viejo. It's like, inland Orange county".

I am not sure how the young ladies in Mission Viejo wear their makeup, but I now know what to be on the look out for.

Good News

Late yesterday, Shannon began to regain conciousness. As of this morning she was out of the coma and I believe they were taking her off the venhilator today as well.

Bless her heart, one of the first things she whispered was "Get me the hell out of this hospital". That's our girl!

Sad

My friend Shannon is in the hospital in a coma.

Thursday night during dinner, her heart stopped and she lost conciousness. At this point, all things are progressing as they should and she is improving.

Shannon is 37 and in terrific shape.

Life is very unpredictable.

Government Symbolism

There is nothing I despise more, than when government gives us a symbollic solution to a real problem.


Just like when President Ford was destroying inflation with a 'Whip Inflation Now' button or President Carter had the Iranians shaking in their turbans by not lighting the national Christmas tree, our wonderful leaders have finally solved our energy problems with the
Energy Hog campaign.

You think I'm lying? Click the link.

Bush's Legacy?

During the last campaign, President Bush promised us a Thomas or a Scalia. Instead, we've gotten a Roberts and a Miers.

Just like with Social Security reform, border security and reducing government, President Bush has once again turned his back on Conservatives.

Who in the hell is he trying to please?