Restroom Terrorist

I just heard someone's ass explode in the restroom. I am not sure if he was a terrorist trying to take down the building or the victim of bad sushi. As I was taking care of business myself, I did not see his face.

It all started with a swift opening of the restroom door followed by the sound of someone running across the floor and into an empty stall. Bang! The door was shut. Click! It was locked.

What I then heard can only be described as torment from what I expect was a 'suicide shitter'. The sound of last night's dinner forcefully making it's escape into Orange County sewer system was only drowned out by the moaning and undecipherable words of the would-be assailiant. As I pulled a Koran out of the empty toilet (according to Newsweek that is where we are storing them these days), I tried to follow along to see if I was hearing some kind of secret Muslim chant but I could make nothing of it. I considered bending down to look under the stall to see if he was wearing the new Saddam line of Calvin Klein underwear but I thought I should get while I was able.

I suspect it was some type of nerve gas he released as I started getting quite woozy while washing my hands. Luckily, I had enough strength to make my way towards the door and escape.